You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
