You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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