The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
