the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
