It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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