I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
