no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
