My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
