I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My ass is underappreciated
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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