Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize