You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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