boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
