Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
