Can i not drive my cunt home
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
