I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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