Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
