She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
