I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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