What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
