The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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