god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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