A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
