Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
