that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
