I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
