Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
