it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
