Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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