I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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