im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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