I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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