I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
