i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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