There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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