Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
