I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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