You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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