It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
