Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
