I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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