why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize