I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
So squirting runs in the family.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize