Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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