Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
