i barfeds in our rink
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
