i just had sex bonerless
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
