just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Are my feet made of real feet?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
