i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
