I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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