Well douche your snatch and let's go!
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
