I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
