My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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