Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
