A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
