You can't special order awesome
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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