Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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