CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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