Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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