So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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