i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
