I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
